Eating Disorder Recovery Milestones

One major milestone in ED recovery is when time passes and you don't think about your eating disorder. What I mean is that you don't wonder about or entertain the thoughts of purging after a meal, or restricting until dinner. You don't have to exercise to burn calories. You can wear clothes even if they might make you look heavier than you are. More importantly, you can go out in public on a "fat" day. Most importantly, your "fat" days are fewer and farther in between.

While I have been in recovery for a long time, my eating disorder was a treacherous battle that lasted for nearly half of my life. The eating disorder voice, though much quieter, can still be present. When this happens, it is an indication that something else is going on.

Given that it is a holiday weekend, I have an extra day off. In the past, I would cherish a day off to rest, only to ruin it with a weekend of bingeing and purging--which would make me needing a vacation by the time I returned to work.

I woke up today, however, and realized that I haven't been obsessing or thinking about food at all, really. One early in recovery or a person without having an eating disorder might think that it is odd that after all of these years I can still think of food. Given our culture, it is nearly impossible NOT to think of food, weight, body image, etc. What can I say? When you come from a place of purging 20-30 times a day for half of your life, you are bound to hear ED thoughts, even years later. That is just a reality. It isn't everyone's--especially when EDs come in all forms, with different levels of severity and chronicity--but it is mine.

Does that mean I am imprisoned by it still? NO. For many years in my recovery, I still had a notion of "getting back" to that "perfect" weight again, or thinking that I could use the ED to fall back on if I needed to from time to time. But then, I got to a place where I JUST DON'T CARE. While the ED voice sometimes try to entice me, trying to engage me and reminisce about days when I was thinner (and miserable), I don't care about it enough to do anything about it.

The message.... LIFE is so much more than the ED--REALLY. Yes, it serves as a nice distraction and gives one a false sense of security and protection. But that is just a cruel ruse. EDs waste time and waste lives. For those struggling and reading this--YOU can recover!!!!

Eating Disorder Transitional Living...Bridging the Gap

In an article published on May 7th, the Kansas City Star announced the opening of Thalia House, a transitional living house for women recovering from eating disorders. Given that I grew up in KC, and also the place where my eating disorder came alive, I am so excited for Thalia House's presence in the area.

When I lived in Kansas City, I had two stints at Baptist Memorial Hospital, in the eating disorder unit. The first was a 30-day stint, and the second was a 60-day stint. While I learned many tools and did not binge, purge, or starve while in the hospital, I relapsed within a couple days of discharge. The reason was not because I didn't know what I needed to do. It wasn't because I was a horrible person. It was because eating disorders are a BEAST. To go from 24-hour care to being thrown back in your old environment equates to relapse, in many cases.

What I needed was a step-down, or transitional, program. Of course, a place like Thalia House did not exist at that time. Even the few 12-Step OA meetings in the area did not really address anorexia and bulimia.

When I finally went to Sierra Tucson, a 28-day program in Arizona, they shed light on the need of the continuation of treatment. From there, I went to Turning Point of Tampa for 3 months, which was a step-down from Tucson. At Turning Point, I learned accountability for my actions and practiced being abstinent. Even after my discharge from Turning Point, I had some relapses. Eating disorders are tough. But, I practiced new behaviors, and my recovery time grew.

The person struggling with an eating disorder, family members, and even professionals often lack the knowledge or discount the power of the disease. Anyone who thinks that if you just eat X, Y, and Z three times a day then the eating disorder will go away is sorely mistaken. We don't want to admit it, face it, deal with it. But recovery requires a lot of work and SUPPORT. In this case, Ignorance is NOT Bliss.

While "sober" living houses have been around forever, primarily located near treatment centers, it's nice to see that eating disorder group homes popping up in more places. It is so needed! The ED epidemic continues to grow, and I'm guessing ED transitional living will grow, too. 'Hope so!